SISTERS
by Jack Skellington's Mistress
Summary: Chapter one and two redone. Chapter three deleted. Chapter four retouched. Please be patient with the rest of the chapters. I love you all. Please have my babies.
1. A Rather Feeble Beginning

**Ohh kay. So. This story was rapidly leading nowhere, and I'm still not quite sure what to do with the plot, but I hope I can steer it back into calm waters. Or at least waters that don't turn the boat the other way.**

* * *

Erin was jealous. She had amazing friends. They were stunning, smart and funny to boot and she didn't feel like she offered much to the friendship. She looked at people like Emma, and she saw them getting somewhere in life.

Erin looked down at herself, hands spread, and sighed. She was frumpy. She wore strange clothes. She had split ends and a small scab on her cheek. Her fringe always got into her eyes and she desperately needed glasses.

Emma was the successful type. Teachers loved her because she could ask questions, yet already know the answer. Parents loved her because she was so polite and helped out. She was the strong, reliable type, much like an Ikea desk of the firm variety.

Emily was funny. She was the original boy-magnet, even from a young age. She could be singing "I am getting so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off" one minute, and the next be praising the mysterious realm of scalene triangles, or something intelligent like that.

Shaylee was the eclectic. She always had a catchy one-liner or a brisk comeback that would leave anybody speechless. She had bouts of laughing which were sometimes uncontrollable. Shaylee was a role model in that she could pick up just about any instrument on God's green earth and play it like she'd had lessons on it since the age of four.

Molly was definitely the crazy one. She frequently made up rapid hand signals, or words, or sayings or jokes, and it rarely took her more than thirty seconds to find innuendo in something. She had the mixture of emo and indie down pat, and could cheer you up before you knew anything was wrong.

So, sitting on the back step of the local town hall, Erin couldn't help feel a little left out. She stroked Simba, Emma's pet spoodle, thoughtfully as she tried to accurately determine where she fit into the equation.

As she started humming the second verse of Advance Australia Fair, to try and place the words she'd forgotten, Shaylee opened the door and plonked herself down. In true Shaylee spirit, she was trying something new today, and was aiming not to speak.

"Is the part about it being girt by sea in the first or second verse, Shay?"

Shaylee stuck one finger up to indicate and then slumped back down again.

"How did the auditions go then?" Erin asked, but was cut off by the door opening again. This time Emily and Molly came out, laughing madly.

"They were absolute crap. Thank god you didn't enter, Erin. Seriously," Emily snorted.

"So I said to the farmer, that... that's a nakie hon!" Molly chuckled, sending Emily into giggles again. Shaylee tried not to smile too much.

Emma stumbled out, not grinning but not frowning either. "Lets make a pact never to do this again," she said.

"Down with talent shows," Emily agreed.

There was a great silence. By great, don't assume that I meant it was good. I mean great as in huge.

"So uh, where are we going?" Emma asked quizzically. "I don't know... Hey! Let's go to Alagaesia!" Erin cried.

"No! We can't just drive to Alagaesia whenever the hell we feel like it! We don't even know where it is!" Emma sighed. She was well accustomed to any one of her friends making odd remarks or suggestions.

"Well, it was either that or Narnia. And to be honest, I don't think I'm up to all that snow, do you?" Erin queried, looking down at her plaid dress.

"Hmm. I suppose not. Maybe if we drive in a general... that way direction... we might find Alagaesia?" Molly suggested, tapping one finger on her chin.

"Only one was to find out," Emily said briskly. She snapped her fingers and a car fell onto the gravel next to them. Utterly baffled and bamboozled, the friends were ushered into the car without realising it, and Emily had taken off in a cloud of dust and discarded music sheets.

While Simba sat smugly in the front seat on his own, Emma, Molly, Shaylee and Erin were cramped into the back. Erin felt something poking into her spleen, and reached for it, producing a TMX Elmo.

She handed it to Molly, who squealed, and Erin occupied herself with her Eddie and Freddie hand-made Magical Penguin plushies.

Emma read an educational novel of assertiveness, and Shaylee simply stared out the window, the scenery reflected in her blue eyes.

Suddenly, Elmo burst out it a fit of giggles. "YOU TICKLED ELMO!" he cried and wiggled around, constricting them even more. "Tell that bloody red monster to stop moving!" Burst out Shaylee. "I mean uhhh... nothing..."

* * *

Is it an improvement? Please let me know. Seriously. I really want to know. 


	2. Followed by A Rather Odd Second Chapter

**SEVERAL HOURS, 12 CUPS OF COFFEE, 16 TOILET BREAKS, 7 CDS, 2 BAD SING-ALONGS, 19 RANTS ABOUT RYAN AND A TEAR-FESTIVAL LATER.**

"Are we there yet." Emma whispered hoarsely. It was more of a statement than an actual question. "What would you do if I said yes?" Emily asked. She hadn't taken part in the story telling and such, and still maintained her normal speaking voice. "Possibly start speaking fluent Japanese, or start tap dancing on pink unicorns." Molly said quietly, staring down at the floor.

With that, they rolled out of the car and found themselves on the outskirts of a small town, mountains surrounding them. "Uhm I'm guessing we're in Carvahall?" Erin squealed and flailed her arms about. Emma shrugged and half-heartedly joined in. Shaylee sat back, talking about how "There is NO meaning to life." and shaking her head an awful lot. Emily and Molly did a small dance. Elmo, Simba and Eddie and Freddie The Magical Penguins stayed in the car, noses pressed to the windows.

A boy a few years their senior was approaching cautiously. He had observed their strange behavior, and was wary of the shiny blue thing with wheels next to them. "Hello, I'm Eragon. You seem to be new here..."

Shaylee nodded. "Word," she said.

There was a pause before Eragon said, "Sorry, I thought you were going to finish that sentence. Anyway, I was just coming over to offer you a hand. I thought perhaps you may have been lost." He scratched the back of his neck shyly.

Emily spotted a boy not far off, and whispered slowly, "Roxas..." before sprinting towards the horizon. As Molly said, it was no great loss. In fact, it was more of a gain.

Shaylee's mouth twitched several times. She really wasn't very good at being silent for long periods of time. "Heh. Shay. Remember? "Hi, I'm Moonbeam, I'm a MAGICAL UNICORN-FAIRY-PIXIE-HORSE!" "

Shaylee fell over, twitching and haemorrhaging. "Kick her while she's down!" they cried jovially, and proceeded to do so.

Eragon raised an eyebrow. "Do you always treat your friends so?" They nodded and murmured in general agreement. "Well, she's actually our sister." Eragon nodded once, more of a "Riiight..." kind of thing, and murmured something about them not looking much alike at all, before beckoning them forward and leading them to his quaint little farm.

**---**

Eragon pulled open the gate, which screeched. This was quite peculiar as the gate was, in fact, made of twigs.

Roran and Garrow greeted them at the door strangely enough. Roran probably thought they were Katrina and Garrow probably thought they were the insurance company, coming to pay the big bucks because of his health records. They both sighed when they saw that it was only their adoptive son/ adoptive brother, and his new best friends ever in the whole world.

Meanwhile, TMX Elmo, Simba and Eddie and Freddy The Magical Penguins were getting bored. Elmo shrieked and flailed every few seconds "YOU TICKLED ELMO!" and Simba was getting desperate for some food. And Eddie and Freddy The Magical Penguins were just penguins, so what did they know, in the grand scheme of things? They all drove the car back to Australia, in desperation.

Back at the farm, Eragon was trying to keep face with some polite chit-chat, but the girls were having none of it. They insisted on searching through his belongings and shaming him about his choice of under-garments.

Soon enough, it was dark, and the girls had wasted enough time to be able to stay the night. They bunked in the barn, at Garrow's insistence, and fell asleep upon a mattress of fleas.

I mean, straw.

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**Is this one better too? -whimper-  
**


	3. And A Rather Peculiar Third One

**Woah late disclaimer. I don't own Eragon. So please don't slit my throat and give my corpse to your lady friend to bake into a pie. This chapter is a cross between the story and the movie.**

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It was early afternoon, and after spending the morning doing what all good teenagers should (sleeping in to atrocious hours), the sisters were rather bored.

"What do you think we should do?" Erin said, tapping her fingers.

"Go to Carvahall. In the books, they make it seem like an awfully long way but maybe we can do it quicker," Shaylee shrugged.

"And you never shared this thought to anyone, hey?" Molly glared.

After grabbing a slightly disgruntled Eragon from his farm-work, they trudged down the road to Carvahall. It was rather rockier and bumpier than they had expected, and they fell over more times that was probably necessary, but they got there relatively quickly.

Once they were there, they decided to walk back. This pissed Eragon to no end.

As soon as they got back, Eragon picked up a pitch fork and begun working again. Garrow was sitting in a rocking chair on the porch, his eyes shifting nervously, and muttering "Money money money money money money..."

Shaylee decided that it was the perfect moment to develop a crush on Roran, and started giggling insanely. Roran looked scared. He suddenly blurted, "I'm getting married to Katrina, and am running away to join an overweight man in a mill!"

Garrow stopped muttering about money. "W-what?!?" he stammered. He stood up and a single tear fell from his crumpled, wrinkled face. His eyes no longer resembled dollar signs.

Roran dropped his pick-axe with a flurry and said briskly, "Goodbye."

Eragon whispered sadly, "I already knew."

Roran's pick-axe was supposed to be kicked aside by an angry uncle, but instead got lodged in the top of Garrow's shoe. He didn't realise and kept storming forward.

"You WHAT?"

"Erm, if this is a bad time we can always come back lat-" Erin stammered.

" YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU LITTLE B-" Garrow howled

" HAHA! Garrow sounds like growl!" Shaylee giggled.

" -AND WHATS MORE, YOU –"

Molly squealed, "I'm sensing some hostility here! Shaylee?"

"Yeah?"

"Dance with me?"

"I'll pass..."

The girls all ran, back to the barn. When they got there, Shaylee started disco dancing, then stopped abruptly. "R-Roran?! Where's he gone!"

Suddenly Eragon had burst through the barn doors, followed by a large blue dragon. "We have to go, or Garrow will have my head on a money pike!"

Emma, Molly, Erin and Shaylee looked utterly flummoxed and flabbergasted, and even more so when Emily appeared behind Eragon, waving the Roxas look-alike's phone number and panting.

"No time to explain, grab my hand and heave yourself over Saphira's wings."

Eragon grabbed them each in turn, much to their protests, and swung them into the air, where they landed gracefully on the dragon's back.

Within a few minutes, they were flying. Admittedly, they were about three feet off the ground (something about extra weight, Eragon muttered- each girl felt quite angry and betrayed at this comment) but they were flying nonetheless.

The sisters cried out and laughed and waved to the trees, enjoying the excitement of the ride thoroughly, but Eragon did not have it so easily. His pants were only made of flimsy cotton material, and scraps of them were being worn off. His inner thighs were chaffing like nothing had ever chaffed before. There was blood, and Eragon sobbed loudly.

Emma, Emily and Shaylee yelped excitedly, "Cool!" while Molly and Erin gulped and shook their heads.

"Uh oh."

They looked away quickly but could not hold back their nautiousness.

The dragon, Saphira, swerved to the ground dramatically. This may have worked had they not been hovering only a few inches above the ground.

Molly and Emma scurried around to find kindling for a fire. Shaylee, Emily and Erin helped Eragon off and paced, trying to think of a way to heal him without actually going between his legs (eww).

"Look- I'm a faggoter!" Molly exclaimed, waving a handful of sticks around.

"I beg your pardon?"

"It means I collect twigs and stuff to make a fire."  
"Oh."

Finally getting Emily to do the rough thigh-patching work ("Eww eww ewww I can't look eww OH GOD"), the other girls settled around the fire and sighed with extending relief.

"I love this sensation of extending relief. Don't you?"

Emily glared at them from the other side of the camp, where she was rubbing leaves and strange coloured water onto Eragon, who was gazing at her in longing.  
"I love you..." he sighed. "I mean, the extending relief, yes."

"Please go and die on the Jellicoe Road," Emily snapped.

- - -

Night settled, as I have found it often does, and the fire dwindled as soon as the stars came out. They all contented themselves with naming the stars, lying on their backs.

"Mr. Left side of the street nutty dough watcher," Shaylee suggested.

"Knees looker side of the room," Erin suggested.

"Make a cake fair waters," Emma suggested.

"Hammer head cooler bottle," Molly suggested.

"Table head crawler legs," Emily suggested.

"Hit me with your purse tail newly parks," Erin giggled.

"Jumperoo zoo rug dice!" Emma gasped.

"Miss wa wa waterfrog bagger?" Molly asked.

"Eragon?" Shaylee whispered.

"Yes, Shaylee?"

"What about you? Look, name that little white star just there," she said, pointing right above them.

"I don't know, Shaylee."

"Sure you do. It's easy. Just say the first words you think of. Try it."

"I really don't think I can..." Eragon was getting quite peeved off. The sisters listened earnestly.

"Come on, Eragon, you never-"

"Late night kisser! Ok!?"

/Nice, little one./

/I don't want to hear it. Please can you start breathing fire? I would like to see these girls incinerated, and quite soon./

/They are quite irritating, yes, but I have a feeling they wont be around much longer./

- -

Eragon was dreaming of Garrow stabbing him to death with a primrose.

Emily was dreaming of doing the Baywatch run with Roxas on a deserted beach, and then sharing a big bowl of chocolate ice cream.

Molly was dreaming of a stripper jumping out of her closet and giving her a stroke.

Erin was dreaming of moving to Turkey and becoming a clown with bi-polar disorder and a love of guns and cigars.

Emma was dreaming of Simba, who she dearly hoped had driven home. She always knew giving him driving lessons was not a bad thing.

Shaylee was not dreaming at all.

- -

They all woke early, early, early morning. This disgruntled them to no end, except Eragon who was in fact accustomed to waking at atrocious times of the morn. Eragon, as a matter of fact, had awoken even earlier than the rest of them this particular morning. He was sensing a sense of impending doom.

/Saphira, you have to get us back. I think something is wrong./

- -

As they approached the farm, it was clear that something was, indeed, wrong. There was a large amount of smoke, for starters. Also, the amount of flames coming from the barn roof probably were a little over average.

Eragon cried out and flung himself off Saphira's side as soon as they landed. He sprinted inside and left the sisters out in the heavy smog. They coughed and hacked up their kidneys and wept a little, before entering the now scorched house. Eragon was inside, sobbing over Garrow's body. In Garrow's hand was a note.

"Oneymay asway ymay ifelay." Erin read quietly.

"I didn't know he knew the ancient language." Molly repliedly solemnly.

"Pig-Latin." They whispered.

/ I am sorry, little one./

"Go away! And stay away!" Eragon screamed in fury. He took off his shoe and threw it through the window, where it soared through they grey air and hit Saphira square between the eyes.

Saphira gave a whimper before flying off.

There was a POP, much like an Apparation, from the popular Harry Potter series written by J.K Rowling, and there was a scraggly old man standing beside them, flourishing a red stick with a blue plastic gem taped to the top.

"We must leave. Come hither." He said.

"Can't you just leave me alone, Brom? I am mourning. My adoptive uncle has been killed. I am visibly upset. I even exiled my dragon, of which you do not know yet."

"We must leave, Matthew."

"My... my name's Eragon."  
"Yes. So it is. Hmm. Well, we must leave."

"But, why?"

"Because the giant cockroaches in rags that mercilessly slaughtered your uncle will come back and kill you." Brom blinked.

"What?"

"Ra'zac."

"Oh."

"Yes. I suggest that you also take your friends with you, as no doubt you have now been seen with them and they should also fear for their lives."

"They aren't my fr-"  
"We're his wives, actually." Emily blinked.

"Oh, ok," Brom said obliviously as Eragon glared daggers at Emily. "Well, I happen to have brought these five spare horses along, so pick your favourite and get aboard. Quickly now."

Shaylee screamed and immediately ran to a white one that resembled a unicorn.

Emma grabbed the black one.

The other three were left with brown ones with various white markings.

Brom pulled six cowboy hats from his cloak with a flourish and a dodgy grin, threw them to each of the girls (and Eragon) and they all rode off into the sunset.


End file.
